How To Help My Alcoholic Father See Reason Again?

Dealing with an alcoholic parent is a grievous challenge. How to help my alcoholic father, you ask? Whether they're functional with their alcohol consumption or not, addiction is always crippling in some form or another.

As a child, you may not feel it's your place to comment on what your father does with his life. However, as time goes on, you've undoubtedly realized that something needs to change. Maybe your father has been drinking for as long as you can remember. Or maybe he only became an alcoholic the past year. Every addict's story is different, and so is their recovery. In order to help an alcoholic father, you'll have to let go of any anger over time lost and start thinking about time to be had.

Signs That A Parent Has An Alcohol Addiction

It's hard to recognize the red flags when you're in the middle of things every day. Because things change so slowly, we prefer to overlook or make excuses for them. If you're worried that your father is addicted to alcohol, understanding these indicators might help you figure out what's going on and confirm your fears.

First, you could see certain signs on your body. Your dad may still seem tired even after he gets some sleep. You could notice that he doesn't appear as well, such as red eyes, trembling hands, or injuries that don't make sense from accidents or falls. People frequently gain or lose weight, either because they drink more alcohol and eat less or because they eat less. You could notice that he gets sick more frequently since alcohol weakens the immune system.

Changes in conduct are the most visible signs that family life is being disrupted. The mood swings that an addicted father has are frequently unexpected. His mood may go from friendly to aloof in a flash. People who don't take responsibility miss appointments, forget about their duties or call in ill too often. He can start hiding alcohol or become defensive when others question him about how much he drinks.

Social withdrawal signals deeper problems developing. Your father may stop participating in activities he once enjoyed or avoid family gatherings where his drinking might be noticed. Friends and extended family members might express concern or start avoiding him altogether.

Memory problems become increasingly apparent. He forgets conversations, promises, or important events. This creates frustration for everyone involved and often leads to arguments where he denies things that clearly happened.

Financial irregularities surface as drinking takes priority over other expenses. Bills might go unpaid while alcohol purchases continue. Money disappears without explanation, or he might ask family members for cash while being vague about the reason.

He has become tolerant to alcohol, which means he needs more and bigger amounts to have the same effects as when he first began drinking. What started as a beer after work rapidly turned into a six-pack and more.

The most telling sign is that he has a problem with drinking. If drinking is becoming a big part of his daily life and he schedules his schedule around when and where he may drink, he may be addicted. Alcohol dependence occurs when it is used to mitigate adverse feelings, including stress, ennui, euphoria, or sadness.

These patterns don't show up right away. If you can name them, it will be simpler to understand that your anxieties are genuine and that getting help from a professional would be a good idea.

How to Talk to Your Dad About His Alcohol Use

Having a conversation with an alcoholic dad requires careful planning and realistic expectations. This discussion will likely be one of the most difficult you'll ever have, but approaching it thoughtfully increases your chances of reaching him.

The Right to Choose

Family members of alcoholics must accept that their addiction is a choice. At the end of the day, no matter how much someone says they want to get sober, it's up to them to take action. No amount of talking, yelling, crying, begging or anything in between will convince your father to change if he doesn't want to. This isn't to say that all hope is lost and you should just give up on him, but it does mean that you should learn to let go of any negative emotions you're harbouring over his addiction. Instead, accept your father as he is. Realize that there is a difference between being angry at a person and being angry at their behaviour. Accept that you can't always help an alcoholic father quit drinking, but you can always love him.

Be Honest

It's uncomfortable to confront someone about their drinking, but the best way to help an alcoholic father is to tell him exactly how you feel. He may not respond the way you like, but for your own peace of mind, you have to do it. Sit down and tell him exactly how you feel. Let your father know that you love him, and it's because of your love that you want to see him at his best. Even for functioning alcoholics, drinking places a barrier between who they are and who they could be. Let your father know how much you believe in him and the active role you want him to play in your life. Don't use emotions as leverage. Put down your guard and be completely open. Don't blame yourself for anything he says in response; you're doing this as much for you as you are for him.

Managing His Resistance

Expect pushback. Your father might deny having a problem, minimize his drinking, or become angry at your "interference." These reactions are normal defence mechanisms. Avoid arguing about specific incidents or trying to prove your point with evidence. Instead, focus on how his drinking affects you and the family. If he becomes hostile, remain calm and suggest continuing the conversation when emotions have settled. Remember that resistance often masks fear - fear of losing control, fear of judgment, or fear of facing life without alcohol as a coping mechanism.

Handling Your Own Emotions

This conversation will trigger intense feelings - fear, anger, sadness, or frustration. Prepare yourself mentally beforehand. Consider writing down your main points to stay focused if emotions overwhelm you. Remember that his response doesn't determine your worth or the validity of your concerns. Whether he accepts help immediately or rejects your words entirely, you've planted seeds that may grow over time. Take care of yourself after the conversation by reaching out to supportive friends or family members who understand your situation.

Don't Support His Addiction

When parents drink too much, it might hurt their money. This is particularly true for parents who are becoming older. If your dad asks you for money a lot or only to buy him alcohol, you should stand up to him. The best thing you can do for him is to cut off his access to alcohol. This is the closest thing to alcohol rehab that you can give him. Stay alert, truthful, and, most importantly, hopeful when things go tough.

Setting boundaries with an alcoholic parent starts with not buying them booze. You may not realize how you're helping him with his addiction since enabling behaviours are so common in family relationships. He will never want to do better if you let him off the hook, hide his faults, or shelter him from the consequences.

Financial help is the most obvious sort of help. If your dad drinks too much, he can ask you for money for rent, food, car maintenance, or medical bills, among other things. Addiction often changes what is most important to you, even if those things are important. People typically buy alcohol before they buy essential necessities. You can still use money for anything, even if you claim it can only be spent for food or bills. 

The manipulation can be subtle. He might mention feeling hungry or needing gas for his car to get to work. Your natural instinct is to help family members in need. However, consistently rescuing him from financial difficulties prevents him from experiencing the natural consequences of his drinking choices. These consequences serve as powerful motivators for change.

Beyond direct financial support, emotional enabling can be equally damaging. Common enabling behaviours include:

• Making excuses to his employer when he calls in sick due to hangovers
• Lying to other family members about his condition
• Pretending everything is normal at family gatherings
• Covering up embarrassing incidents or damage he's caused
• Minimizing his drinking when others express concern

These actions, while well-intentioned, create a protective bubble that shields him from reality.

Household responsibilities often shift when living with someone struggling with addiction. You might find yourself taking over tasks he used to handle:

• Paying bills and managing finances
• Maintaining the home and yard work
• Managing family obligations and appointments
• Handling his personal responsibilities like taxes or legal matters
• Coordinating with his employer or handling work-related issues

While this keeps life functioning smoothly, it also removes accountability. When someone else handles his responsibilities, he faces fewer immediate consequences for his drinking behaviour.

Social enabling involves protecting his reputation or relationships:

• Cancelling his commitments when he's too intoxicated to attend
• Apologizing to friends or family on his behalf
• Cleaning up messes he's made while drinking
• Making excuses for his behaviour at social events
• Mediating conflicts he's created with others

Each time you step in to manage these situations, you're preventing him from facing the social consequences that might motivate change.

It could seem like a lot of work to establish limitations when you love someone. You feel ashamed and sad when you see how your father's drinking is hurting his relationships and finances. Still, it's important for you to maintain these boundaries in place. The consequences drive him to get help. You know that limitations are important for your emotional and financial wellness.

Practical boundary-setting starts with clear communication. Tell your father explicitly what you will and won't do:

• "I won't give you money for any reason."
• "I won't buy alcohol or go to stores to purchase it for you."
• "I won't make excuses for your behaviour to employers, friends, or family."
• "I won't cover your responsibilities or clean up your messes."
• "I won't lie about your condition to protect your reputation."

Having this conversation when he's sober increases the likelihood that he'll remember and understand your position.

Consistency in maintaining boundaries proves crucial. Giving in "just this once" undermines everything you've established and teaches him that persistence will eventually wear you down. Addiction often involves testing limits repeatedly. Standing firm, even when it's difficult, demonstrates that you're serious about change.

Prepare for emotional manipulation. Common tactics include:

• Accusing you of not caring or being selfish
• Claiming you're abandoning him in his time of need
• Threatening self-harm if you don't help
• Playing on guilt about family loyalty
• Using other family members to pressure you into giving in

These responses are common when someone faces consequences they've been shielded from previously. Remember that setting boundaries is actually an act of love - you're refusing to participate in something that's destroying him.

Consider the bigger picture. Every dollar you give, every excuse you make, and every responsibility you assume extends his drinking career. The temporary relief you provide him today prolongs his suffering tomorrow. True support involves allowing him to experience the full weight of his choices while maintaining your love and availability for when he decides to seek help.

Supporting his recovery differs entirely from supporting his addiction. When he expresses genuine interest in getting sober, positive assistance includes:

• Helping him research treatment options and facilities
• Driving him to meetings or appointments
• Providing emotional support during difficult moments
• Celebrating milestones and progress in his recovery
• Being available to listen without judgment

Boundary setting isn't about punishment or abandonment. You're simply refusing to be complicit in self-destructive behaviour while keeping the door open for healthier interaction when he's ready.