At first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell this story; that is, the story of how I quit using cocaine. It’s been a long and hard road to recovery for me, but I’ve decided that if my account can help just one person, it will be worth it.
I was a poor student, had very little money and a low-paying job to help get me through college. I started out selling cocaine to my fellow students. I figured that that selling a little cocaine couldn’t do much harm. I wasn’t using myself, looked respectable enough, and was a well-dressed, well-mannered ‘white girl’ who seemed a safe enough bet.
It wasn’t long before I got together with a major supplier and it was then I started dealing weight. Still wasn’t using, just bringing in the bucks. Then, I made probably the worst mistake someone like me could make; I fell for one of my customers.
James was a heavy user, and I started casually using in his company. I had so much cocaine, and so much money – it was only later, I discovered he wasn’t actually in love with me as much as he was in love with my endless supply of the drug.
I stopped taking care of myself, my apartment, my studies… I began to fall behind, instead falling victim to what’s called the ‘triple cycle’; getting high, being high, and crashing. Then, my supplier didn’t receive payment, and I owed money all over the place. I began fighting with my boyfriend, and in an addiction fuelled haze, he hit me. I needed stitches above my right eye. He apologized, and I took him back.
My rent was behind, my studies were forgotten, and the pressure was heaping on. Why didn’t I get help? Denial; it’s the long shadow of addiction. My personal hygiene took a nosedive, and I started to look and talk bad.
If I quit using cocaine, it would only ever last a couple of minutes, then the shame would come piling in. I couldn’t see past the shame to what a life without coke might be like.
Eventually, I hit my lowest point. I knew I was going to fail college, someone prettier and less of a mess took my boyfriend, and my landlord kicked me out on the street. I ended up selling my body for money, and afterwards, I realized something had to give. The person looking back in the mirror was not me anymore.
With help and support from family, I finally got the help I needed. At first, I tried the regular government rehabs and relapses at least 2-3 times. My family then decided it’s time to go through a rigid, real rehab that’s private so they put together the funds and there I was, beginning to ascend back to civilization. No-one thought I could do it. Even now, I’m working through the free lifetime aftercare program at the Canadian Centre for Addictions.
To this day, I’m grateful to the medical staff and counselors at the Canadian centre for addictions (Hey! Jim McKenny the former NHL player here helped me a ton too!) They supported me throughout the process. If I can do it, anyone can, and I urge you to quit using cocaine before it destroys your life.
I hope my story provides the real look into how a life that’s ruined by drugs can still get better and I believe no matter who it is, a father, a husband, a teenage girl like me or whoever, we are all capable of fighting addiction and recovering.